Emotionally Drained and Ready for Change

The Month of November has really hit my family hard. It has brought us through a whirl wind of emotions and challenges and changes. The days have blown by with funeral activities and children’s parties. With our time spent comforting grieving family and friends,followed by happy school children in costumes, and a sick body fighting a cold. I spent my 47 birthday watching the episode of Barnwood builders that I helped to create holding my breath. Trying not to cry at the wrinkles and lines on my face and the heavy body that I still have not dealt with after my foot surgery. I have felt the deepest most satisfying happiness and the most painful sadness, all in a matter of days…and I am tired.

Christopher and Paige Halloween 2015

Christopher and Paige Halloween 2015

Most of you already know that over  a year ago I quit my outside job and went home to take care of Grandma Powers around July of last year. I then followed that with a foot surgery to remove a bone that would not heal after 13 months in a cast. We then moved over Christmas and started a remodel project in the end of April and spent days filming with the Barnwood builders. Then we also got the news that Grandma’s cancer was back and things looked bleak for the future. We finished our remodel and the filming of our show in Aug of this year and watched as grandma’s health began to fail, knowing that we would only have a few months with her. Then as Nov came and went we lost Grandma… I was supposed to celebrate Halloween ( my favorite holiday) With little Christopher at his school with a party and Saturday night take him trick or treating…I just could not do it. With a cold and broken heart I just wanted the comfort of my home and time with Tom. We  handed out candy and enjoyed the beautiful night air on the porch. My faithful son Cody took his little brother out for Halloween tricks and treats and made memories of their own. Then my birthday and the show airing. I was so thankful to have family and friends celebrate with me. Yet… I worried, so nervous, that somehow I would look like a fool on national TV. I would some how not be “Me”. In the end it was good. It was more “Me” then I care to admit, I look my age and I love these mountains and it shows right there on national TV. So I laughed along with the boys at the end of the night. I really might be just a Hillbilly at heart.

Barn with crew, shed and outside wall removed

Barn with crew, shed and outside wall removed

I know I have had more adventures in the last two years then some have in a life time. I have felt more in those two years then I ever thought was possible. I have laughed,cried, felt peace and the hand of God working in my life. I have hugged my children harder and been blessed more than my imagination would let me believe.I have sacrificed my time and money to be a caregiver and a mother. I have worked for no one, but for everyone, and not received a penny and it was all worth it in the end.

Grandma Wanda Powers Mowery, Paige and Christopher Powers, Dec 12 2014

Grandma Wanda Powers Mowery, Paige and Christopher Powers, Dec 12 2014

Some people think riches come in the form of a paycheck or money stored, but it doesn’t. Riches are experiences… and memories…… and dreams shared. They are the only thing that is left in the end. Money can not be taken to the other side… only love can. I have spent the last few years of my life making memories that I will never forget and shared love that I can never get back. I have forgotten about the “Me” and focused on the “We” and have reaped what I have sown in heaping amounts. These years have not hardened, but softened me, softened my heart towards God, my Family and My Friends and even my body. It has been a wonderful time of learning and growing as a person, a woman and mother. 

I am tired now, I will rest a few days, maybe a month, the days will slowly be filled again with work and school and children. I will let life lead me for now, to a new career, to new schooling, or who knows where, but I am ready for a change. That will start me on a new adventure with new memories and more love.

people who love us dont see our disablities just our ablity to love

people who love us don’t see our disabilities just our ability to love

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Categories: About me, Barnwood Builders, Death, family memories, Friendship, Halloween, Holidays, writing | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

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13 thoughts on “Emotionally Drained and Ready for Change

  1. You certainly have had s lot to deal with. I was not able to find the show on any channel in our cable system. I’m glad to hear that you liked it. I think you deserve a rest. I look forward to whatever your next adventure may be.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. You deserve a rest. You’ve had a lot on you, and now you need time to reflect, regroup, and recharge. Best wishes to you as you face each day.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Maree

    Love the show and all the family history of the projects . Makes you feel like you are there on location. Nice to see people loving their their work .Happy Holdays to All!

    Like

  4. Sandy

    Your blog brought tears to my eyes. Perhaps you should step back a little from “we” and spend some quality time with Jolynn. No one is more deserving. Sending a big hug.

    Like

  5. Charles Ball

    I enjoyed the program – and hope and pray you heal both emotionally and physically – I lost my Dad to cancer a couple of years ago – he lived with us 10 months, and I was his primary caregiver – I have so many precious memories from those last days, and he was a blessing to take care of…wishing you all the best – the Lord is able to see you through this difficult time in your life…

    Like

  6. Beautifully written – thank you for letting us have a glimpse of your wonderful family. Your stories are truly heartwarming. I was not able to find your show on my channels either, but if it will be available at some point on line, I look forward to watching it then.

    Like

    • Yes faith the episode will be on line some time in Feb… I know a long wait but they will end the season before uploading it… when you look for it you can find it by the location Jane Lew Barn… I guess it is actually a rerun already and will be for the next couple of months.

      Like

  7. What a cute halloween pic of your GrandGirl and your little son. I just read your post about the passing (or as it was then – the expected passing) of your mother-in-law. So very well done; with such beautiful pictures and reflections about life and death, and your beautiful relationship with that special person in your life.

    Like

  8. Sally

    I love Barnwood Builders and watch reruns
    over and over again. I’m from West Virginia but have lived in Detroit,Michigan for many years.
    I hope they continue with new episodes.

    Like

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